shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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