I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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