when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
