my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
