If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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