I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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