I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
