But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
