the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
