She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
