my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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