The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
