She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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