he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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