Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
