he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
