she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
