final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
