community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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