I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
