I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
Randomize
