Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
organizing the empties. That sober.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
