well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
