we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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