shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
