I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
