Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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