she woke up with a sticky ear
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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