If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
