If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
