I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
