For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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