i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
