i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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