yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
