keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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