I met the friendliest cop last night
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
