Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
