Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
