Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
