So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
