I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Hippo gnu deer
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
