it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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