so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
