bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
should my penis look like a turkey
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
and you fell through a lawn chair
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
