we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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