im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
