This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
