The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
