What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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