I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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