He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
