I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
