He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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