I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
