I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
