woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
