i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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