Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
