Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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