I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
