he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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