Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
