we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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