my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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