physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
