and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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