I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
