Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
