Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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