yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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