Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think my fart just growled at me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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