I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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