Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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