I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
