Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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