I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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