it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
