You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
