so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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